Being at the beach, feet in the sand, listening to the waves crash on the shore is not just my happy place. It is also my healing place. When work and life put me at my breaking point, I retreat to the beach- even if I have to go in full clothes with a blanket in the winter.
I wrote this last Sunday sitting on the beach.
When my world fell apart in February 2012, my journey of healing began at the beach. It is where I feel closest to God. I feel His arms wrap around me everywhere but here it is complete with a bear hug! It’s the most amazing feeling in the world to know that He is walking with me.
Where do you feel closest to God? Where do you feel closest to your lost loved one?
Chris and I spent much of our dating time together on Tybee. He lived on 7th Street. I lived in Charleston. When it was my weekend to drive to Savannah, I would meet him on the beach. He would already be there surf fishing or casting a net. He’d have a cooler of drinks, snacks, and a chair waiting on me. My heart would skip a beat when I came across the boardwalk and saw him there. We’d walk and talk for a while and then head to Spanky’s for dinner or grill out at his place. And so our seasons on the beach began!
My parents have a house at Surfside Beach. Not only did we come here during the summer while dating, but for every summer of our married life, I spent the summer here with the children and he traveled here every weekend. The memories created here are truly countless.
My first weekend back after Chris’s death was so hard. My two closest friends, Susan and Shand, brought me. It was important for me to come and wrestle with the memories before coming back with the children that summer.
We came down to the beach and as we walked on the sand to the edge of the water, Susan and Shand stopped and let me go on my own to the water. I stepped in it. It was cold but I had to do it. It’s the first thing I do when I get down here. I put my feet in the water.
Later the girls told me that as they had watched me go to and ultimately into the water,they wondered if they needed to stop me! I laughed. I knew what they meant. While my pain was raw and I was broken, they need not have worried. While I may have thought my life had ended, I knew it hadn’t and I was going to have to reach deep into my well of faith and trust God to pull me through the pain, which He has done and I am grateful for His blessings.
I sit here today surrounded by memories of Chris. I cry, but I smile and am thankful for them. I watch men playing with their children as he did. I see a man with a cast net, catching minnows for his children to watch. I see couples walking side by side/ hand in hand. And I remember him. I remember the trenches he dug out for the children so they had their own ocean pools to sit and play in. It was also their aquarium for the little fish they caught! I stand looking for shells at the water’s edge and remember him standing for hours looking for sharks teeth! He may have had the worst eyesight of us all, but he could spot and catch a shark’s tooth as the waves washed over the sand at the edge of the water! The children found quite a few over the years but he was definitely the shark tooth king!
He loved catching a wave on the boogie board with the children, or just body surfing with them.
These memories bring me peace and comfort.
My son and his wife told my youngest daughter and me that they were expecting their first child on this beach. When I walked over the dunes on the stairs that day, I saw a man surf fishing. They used Chris’s sharks teeth to tell us.
Yes, I believe Chris was with us on the beach that day.
I believe he is here with me today. I believe heaven is your happy place and this was his happy place. Maybe this isn’t true at all but what I do know is that someday we will walk and talk together side by side and hand in hand. And maybe, just maybe, it’ll be along a beach somewhere with the cool breeze blowing and the waves crashing on the shore!
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
Love, Mercy, and Grace 