My Dear Friend, Claudia Shand

My dear, sweet friend and sister Claudia Shand is responsible for this blog’s beginning so I want to make my first post about her and our special relationship.

Shand and I met at the College of Charleston in 1982. I was starting my senior year and she was a junior transfer student from Winthrop. She was our new suite-mate. We became fast and wonderful friends. I met her fiancé, Bill, once before their wedding. He was, and continues to be, an outstanding soldier and an overall great guy.
Fast forward to July 1985, Bill and Shand’s wedding weekend. Their rehearsal dinner was held at Shand’s aunt and uncle’s beautiful home on John’s Island, just outside of Charleston. Shortly after arriving I headed to the porch to get a beer. There was a small group of people hanging out around the coolers and drink station. A cute guy jumps up from the cooler he was sitting on and says, “Can I buy you a drink?” I snickered and shook my head and said, “Wow, sure- didn’t realize it was a cash bar!” He gave me a beer and introduced himself as Chris, brother of the groom. I thanked him and said, “I’m Julie, friend of the bride.” We chatted briefly and I excused myself; mostly to pull myself together. He was really cute! We partnered later to play Trivial Pursuit. Chris walked me to my car at the end of the evening and kissed me. I have to say I can still remember and feel that kiss today. It was truly a fireworks kind of kiss.

I was on cloud nine anticipating the wedding and reception Saturday night. It was a beautiful wedding at Bethel UMC followed by a beautiful reception at the Hibernian Hall. Chris found me at the reception and we talked, laughed and danced all night. This was the fabulous beginning of our love story. Bill and Shand returned from their honeymoon to find out that Chris and I had hit it off and had made plans to see each other again. I remember them saying they were very happy but also very surprised. They had not imagined the two of us together. Surprise!

The four of us spent some time together when we first started dating. Bill was stationed in Savannah and Chris was living and working there. I was living in Charleston. One of us was on the road every weekend so we could see each other. I have many special memories of Savannah and time with Shand and Bill during that time- my first St. Patrick’s Day, supporting Chris as he studied for and took the CPA exam, babysitting Shand and Bill’s first born, Chas, and helping them pack to leave when Bill got his orders for Germany.

Two and a half years after our fateful meeting, Chris and I were married. Unfortunately, because they were stationed in Germany, Bill and Shand couldn’t attend the wedding. I received a beautiful letter from Bill welcoming me to the Mayville family. I treasure that gift.

My friendship with Shand led me to the love of my life and she and I became sisters! Neither one of us had blood sisters so we totally loved this new relationship. Chris and Bill were extremely close brothers. The four of us continued to spend as much time together as we could. We traveled to Germany while they were there. We went to Ft. Bragg and stayed with them in what has to be the smallest military house ever. I laughed til I cried when Shand said you had to step aside for a fly if you met in the “hallway”.

As our families grew, it became important for us to remain close so that our kids would grow up together and become friends above cousins. We traveled to Ft. Benning for Thanksgiving, to Newport for vacation, and back to Ft. Bragg, thankfully, in larger housing! They came to our beach house and we created memories to last a lifetime. And joyfully, our children became friends. In February of this year, Meghan stood at Margie’s wedding as her maid of honor.

February 20, 2012, I had to call Shand and Bill to tell them that Chris had died. To be honest, I don’t remember much about that day. I do remember hearing Shand’s voice and it was heartbreaking.

Getting through that week was horrific. I relied on friends and family for everything. I am blessed to have been surrounded by so much loving care. Shand and Bill have stood by the children and me through some tough days. I can always count on Shand to listen and to reach out to me. I have been to Kansas, to D.C., and to Carolina Beach to be with her. She went to Surfside Beach with me the first time I went back.

Sometime during the first year after Chris’s death, Shand sent me a card and a necklace from one of my favorite shops in Kansas. It is my reminder to focus on what’s important and is the inspiration for the title of my blog.

The charm contains three words: love, mercy, grace.

The card read- Surrounded by Love, Asking for Mercy, Receiving Grace.

Those three words sum up my journey of healing from loss. I plan to share more of this journey with you in hopes that something I share will help you in some way to refocus your life or to heal from loss.