The Love of My Life

I think it’s important for you to understand some background for my story of faith and healing before I tackle some of the hard stuff.
I didn’t know it was possible to love someone like I loved Chris or to be loved by someone the way he loved me. I had dreamed about it but hadn’t experienced anything like it before. He loved me completely, warts and all. He was the kindest, most gentle man I had ever met besides my daddy. He made me laugh. I mean belly laugh, drink comes through the nose laugh. We had so much fun together whatever we did. 
For the two years we dated, I was living in Charleston and he was living in Savannah, specifically Tybee Island. We alternated traveling each weekend. We shared our cities with each other. We were both history buffs and loved learning all we could about each other’s city. It was magical.

Chris loved the beach, which was kind of a requirement for this beach bum! I thought it was a God wink that he lived at Tybee. He lived in a little bachelor pad rental house on the Butler side of 7th Ave. with one of his brother’s ranger buddies. When I arrived at the house on Friday afternoons, there was usually a note on the door telling me he was on the beach and to come join. I have to tell you the anticipation of seeing him was about school girl crush level. My heart beat like a hummingbird’s wings and butterflies were tickling my stomach. I came over the boardwalk and could see him fishing on the shoreline. He would have a chair and a cold beer waiting there for me. It was the best! Sometimes we’d walk hand in hand down the beach telling about our day and anything else we had on our minds. And other days, we’d sit in the chairs and hold hands while we shared. He loved hearing stories about my students and my day. I can’t count the number of sunsets we watched. 

Chris was a romantic. He sent me cards all the time, and brought flowers when he came to Charleston. I wasn’t as good about all of that as he was. He held my hand no matter where we were, walking down the street, watching a movie or sitting in church. 
While walking hand in hand through the streets of Charleston one day, a little girl, who was walking towards us with her mommy asked if we were married. We smiled, shook our heads from side to side and said “No”. She said, “I think you should get married.” We laughed and Chris said, “Not a bad idea” Out of the mouths of babes….
After dating for a year and a half, Chris asked my parents for permission to marry me. He placed the ring on my little Christmas tree with hopes that I would find it and then he would pop the question. Well, I didn’t find it on the tree, even after his exclamations about how cute my tree was and pointing out some of the ornaments. He was disappointed but he moved on to plan B, which, honestly, was perfect. Sunday, after church, we went to get doughnuts and then to The Battery to walk. When we had walked a short distance, he stopped and took my hands in his, told me he loved me more than he ever thought was possible and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and asked if I would marry him. Of course, I said “yes”. 
We were married for 25 years and 3 months before he took his life. We had recently both turned 50. We had been married as long as we hadn’t been married! We had three beautiful, healthy children who were the absolute joy of his life. He was a perfect dad. I do not exaggerate when I say this. He loved being a dad. He played all kinds of games with them, even Pretty, Pretty Princess! He steam-rolled across the family room floor and our king size bed with them. He was a soccer and baseball coach for all of them. Laughter filled our home. I always marveled how he used psychology to get the children to clean up or do things they really didn’t want to do. He rarely yelled. He didn’t have to. I called him the peacekeeper. I loved watching him with our children. It warmed my heart. 
Our marriage was strong. We talked about growing old together. “Come grow old with me, the best is yet to be” was a favorite saying of ours. We were always hugging and kissing and our private time was…. well, amazing. We were best friends. We supported each other in our work. We had very few disagreements because Chris couldn’t stand confrontation. Sometimes I wanted him to really get mad and he wouldn’t. We shared everything, or at least I thought we did. 
I don’t pretend to understand why Chris committed suicide. He left no note. I can ask myself “Why?” every day but the answer doesn’t change, “I don’t know.” So I try to stay focused on what I do know.

 I know that Chris Mayville loved our children and me with all of his heart and soul. I know that I couldn’t have stopped him even though I wish I had the chance to try. I know this was not a selfish act, but rather an act of mental pain and suffering. I know that Chris fell into the arms of our Heavenly Father and found peace there that he couldn’t find here. I know that he is in heaven and that we will be united again someday and it will be joyful reunion. 

Our son, Carter, was such an incredible source of strength for his sisters and me though those first few difficult days. One of the things he said to us and repeated at Chris’s funeral was this:

For 22 years I was blessed to have Chris Mayville as my dad. He was truly the most amazing dad ever. There are children in this world who haven’t known one day with an amazing dad. I am so blessed.

Such great insight and wisdom at such a young age. That became our focus in healing- we were blessed to have been a part of Chris Mayville’s life. So many women will never know the love I knew as his wife. I am so thankful for every day I had with him. Sure I wish there had been more days, but the Legacy of Love he left behind in his children and me is powerful. He also touched the lives of many people he met and worked with through the years. He always put others needs above his own. He took care of those less fortunate than he was but he never boasted about it. He was a humble and kind servant. He loved his neighbors. We have to celebrate that. Celebrate love! 

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  1 Corinthians 13:2