When Grief and Loneliness Slap You in the Face

Today, I have hit a wall. It is going to take everything within me to push it over- to rely on my faith and God’s help to move it. Sometimes the smallest thing can stop you on your tracks. You can be going along fine and dandy and then, WHAM! You’re on the floor trying to pick yourself up again. And today, it was having to stop what I️ was doing to go pick up a ham! I’m sure that was just the perverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. It was something that Chris would have done for me. He would have also fixed the doggie gate issue I️ had earlier today as well. But here I sit in my car in a parking lot falling apart and trying to put on the “I don’t care what you think of me face” because I look like crap as I️ head into the HoneyBaked Ham store. No hiding the grief today. I am alone. I am surrounded by wonderful children and family and friends but I am alone. For 27 years, I was not alone. Alone isn’t just a physical state of being either. It’s mental. it’s not having the one who knows you better than anyone else in the world not there beside you. I miss my best friend and partner.

I’m putting this in writing to heal my heart but hopefully you can see that grief isn’t this emotion that you get to tuck away one day and never experience again. It gets better. We heal, but we are not completely whole again. It’s a process. I had a real moment today and wanted you to know so when you have yours, you’ll know it’s okay.

As I finish writing, I begin to feel my strength returning, my fortitude. God is good always but especially when we call out to Him for help.